Wedding Etiquette Q & A

TAKE MY ADVICE...
Brides solve some of your most pressing wedding conundrums

by Jenn Thornton

 

Q:

I don't get along with my fiancé's sister-is making her a bridesmaid obligatory?

A:

In this case it's best to keep sight of the big picture. Being a bridesmaid is a one-time role, but being warmly received by your fiancé's family is long-term, so put aside your ego for harmony's sake and assign your future sister-in-law bridesmaid duty. While you are under no obligation to do so, the gesture will go a long way towards establishing good will within the family, reaffirm for your fiancé why exactly he is marrying you, and may even help provide a starting point to facilitate a better relationship his sister.

 

Q:

How do my friend and I maintain peace over competing wedding plans?

A:

Communicate respectfully-Bride Wars is just a movie. It is common for brides-to-be to become fixated and rigid during wedding planning, so consult with an outside party to evaluate the situation and advise you how to facilitate a mutually respectful conversation from a non-defensive ÒI feelÓ position-meaning, don't get accusatory and refuse to acknowledge your friend's point of view as equally you do your own. Remember, a wedding is one day, friendship is forever.

 

Q:

: I am marrying someone outside my faith-how can I honor my fiancé and the beliefs of his family without compromising my own?

A:

These days, interfaith marriages are more common and accepted than ever before. There are many ways to integrate differing spiritual traditions. Seek the advice of a spiritual counselor. Head off potential issues or hurt feelings before the big day by addressing the issue with both families well in advance (ask your spiritual advisor to facilitate a dialogue if need be). While it is appropriate to listen and be sensitive to the feeling of all parties, it is ultimately you and your fiancé's decision how faith will play a role in your wedding.

 

Q:

My fiancé's family is far more affluent than mine. How should wedding costs be handled?

A:

The division of wedding costs is far less traditional than it used to be-today an equal split is customary. Determine which aspects of the wedding your families feel most strongly about (maybe it is renting the church or buying the gown), and divvy up fiscal responsibilities based on those conclusions.

 

Q:

I am planning a destination wedding. Is it inappropriate to set up a gift registry too?

A:

It is easy to become so swept up in the details that you forget to focus on what is most importance-the presence of wedding guests, especially at a faraway locale, is the present. The etiquette set still considers publicizing gift registry information on a formal invite tacky, and prefers that it be passed by word of mouth or a website. If approached about gift giving personally, by all means, divulge the 411, but do so gently, especially in these economic times.

 

Q:

In the interest of cutting costs, is it okay to distribute invites over Facebook?

A:

There is no denying that social media has and continues to affect the way we communicate. That said, resist the urge to send out wedding invitations via Facebook or save-the-dates via Twitter. Advocates of social media will play up the practical, but rarely does practicality play a role in a romantic wedding. And, believe it or not, some older guests still do not have nor do they have nor do they want a Facebook page. Plus, we're not talking about a last-minute kegger but a wedding, so cut back in other places and start stuffing those envelopes-it's just more appropriate, period.