I do OVER

Renewing your wedding vows

by Jenn Thornton

 

Still crazy for each other after all these years? Re-experience the romance in a reaffirmation ceremony. But before you retake the plunge, consider the vow factors.

Who renews?

Anyone can be a second-time celebrant, but most commonly those commemorating a milestone year or anniversary. Contemporary motivations to re-tie the knot vary-from having a budget that allows for more elaborate nuptials than at City Hall, to enjoying a smoother, all-around go (who knew it would rain and the first Big Day would turn out to be a Big Disaster!). Regardless of the reasons, the priority of a vow renewal ceremony-and how it differs from a first wedding-is its focus on the deeply personal. Less attention is paid to the externals (flowers, dress, DJ), and more is funneled into honoring the reaffirmation.

Who hosts?

Because a vow renewal ceremony typically occurs well into an established marriage, it's not realistic to expect anyone else-especially the folks (don't cringe, it happens)-to foot the bill. It is not uncommon, however, for children of the couple to offer to fund the event. In this case, depending on the circumstances, it is appropriate to accept.

Who's in the wedding party?

Most vow renewal ceremonies forego standard attendants. Many couples prefer to walk hand-in-hand down the aisle, or have their children escort them.

Should I set up a guest registry?

Renewing vows is not the time to upgrade, so resist the urge to use the event as an opportunity to replace those cracked wine goblets and that barely functioning toaster oven. Registering for gifts-particularly if Crate and Barrel was cleaned out in your honor the first time around-is just plain tacky. But it is the time to be charitable. So, if guests ask to bring a gift (and only if they ask), let them know that their presence is your present, but if they'd like, you would be honored for them to donate to X and Y charity in your name.

How soon after the first ceremony is it appropriate to renew vows?

There is no hard and fast rule here, but unless you are Seal and Heidi Klum, who renew their vows annually in a fabulous locale with a star-studded guest list and an endless reserve of cash to spend, most couples wait for a milestone year. The most common exception to this is elopers, who may want to organize a special ceremony for friends and family soon after they return.

Are renewal vows the same as traditional vows?

They can be the same, but it is more customary for couples to pen their own vows to mark the evolution in the relationship and infuse the ceremony with a personal touch. This can also include readings from family, serenades from friends, and the exchange of new, special reaffirmation bands.

Is there a reception?

A post-celebration is the norm, but the majority of couples elect to fete in an intimate capacity. Champagne barbecues and gourmet family-style potlucks are popular, as are larger shindigs with the works-cake, dancing, original guest list. Whatever you do, don't skimp on memories-hire a photog to capture keepsakes to later pass down to those who mean the most.