Wedding Etiquette Q & A
Advice and answers to your
most pressing questions
Q:
Do I send a thank you note to a guest who attended the wedding but did not bring a gift?
A:
Absolutely. The economy has changed gift giving, but it is still important to sincerely express your gratitude. If said guest is a millionaire, you have the right to be irked, but presence is a present and deserves to be recognized for what it is. And no pre-printed cards, thank you very much. Handwritten notes are the most personal way to express graciousness.
Q:
Is it appropriate to affix a return label to thank you card envelopes with my maiden name still on it?
A:
Apples and oranges. It is doubtful that anyone will call the etiquette police two weeks after the wedding because you are using old labels. Traditionalists may be more prickly about this, but in the midst of planning a wedding, you should be forgiven for not squeezing in enough time to change your address labelsÑa very minor trespass if one at all. If, however, you are tardy with your thank you notes (three weeks should be your benchmark, two if you can swing it), and it has been a month since the wedding, handwrite your return address if necessary and use your husbandÕs last name.
Q:
Am I expected to fulfill special dietary requests for guests who ask?
A:
Pickiness is one thing, but a serious food allergy or dietary restriction for medical purposes should absolutely be acknowledged, and, if possible, accommodated without fuss. Most meal modifications are relatively minor and requests for them are few; the majority of caterers will usually offer different options to their clients, so ask if necessary.
Q:
My Maid of Honor ÒtweetsÓ constantly, and IÕm afraid she will do so during the wedding. How should I ask her to refrain?
A:
Kindly and firmly at the same time. Sadly, technological distractions are becoming more prevalent at weddings, so hereÕs what you do: Rather than single out one personÑeven though the offender will no doubt be obviousÑexpress to all of your Maids that your wedding day is personal to you and the groom. Politely ask them not to text or update their Facebook status during the wedding. Your Maid of Honor should respect your wishes, and if not, perhaps itÕs time to delegate her duties to someone else who will.
Q:
Is it tacky to ask for cash instead of gifts?
A:
Outright, yes. But this is where word of mouth comes in handy. Express to a few guests your gifting preference, and let them spread the word. Some guests will want to mark the occasion regardless, so take a quick inventory and set up a simple gift registry with some practical items you can really useÑjust in case.
Q:
My husband and I are throwing a belated wedding bash because we never had a ceremony but were married a year ago. Should we ask for gifts?
A:
In general, guests should not be expected to bring a gift for a reaffirmation ceremony. Many will anyway, but the expectation is not appropriate in this case. Perception plays a big role in this situation. Since you have been married for one year, setting up a gift registry looks a little greedy. Graciously accept gifts from those who bestow them, and appreciate others for the gift of their friendship and love.Warning: include() [function.include]: URL file-access is disabled in the server configuration in D:\ftp\impcoAdmin\Htdocs\sanjoaquin\2011\02\weddings\qa.php on line 69
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